A quick guide to stock market terms !

BEAR: What your trade account and bank account will be after you take a position on that hot stock tip your neighbor or colleague gave you.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned her jewelry to invest in stock market.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.

BULL: The word what your broker uses for a scrip he purchased for you until it tanks.

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COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest stock quotes during a Office meeting when you’re supposed to be listening to your Boss’s Speech.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn’t actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. “The rent, sir? Well, I’m a little short this month.”).

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth Rs. 800 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth Rs. 300.

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