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Seven ways to make KPS Gill go

KPS Gill, super cop and alleged bottom-pincher, refuses to let go of the Indian Hockey Federation (IHF) presidency. Some say India’s hockey woes cannot be blamed on one man.

K Jothikumaran, the IHF secretary, is no saint either. Nonetheless, most agree that Gill must leave. He’s been in the chair 14 years. His record is poor. He is old and has a history of autocratic behaviour. But he says he won’t budge.

Here are Seven ways that could make him quit.

1. Pinch his bottom or relax law for him when he pinches other’s bottom so that he will quit to engage himself in that business for which he is well known

2. Unleash Chak De! India’s Balbir Kaur (Tanya Abrol) on him.

3. Start a retirement fund where interest is paid in whisky bottles. Gill will retire tomorrow and sign up.

4. Give him tickets to Jodhaa Akbar. It will be a few years before the movie gets over. A new president would have taken over.

5. Get Sri Sri Ravishankar to teach him the Art of Leaving.

6. Gill said he would think about retiring in 2010. Fast forward the friggin’ calendar to 2010!

7. Get Dhyan Chand’s ghost to walk around his house holding a candle.

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